The last guy in the job actually quit, but we don’t know why. Maybe the gal that runs Yahoo told him he couldn’t work at home anymore. She’s like Lucy with the football.
Still, if
you’re the lucky job holder, you get as much Italian food as you like. Housing is covered and you’ll have access to
paintings, treasures, and jewels from all over the world. Just don’t ask how they came to have these
things in the first place.
You get
a car and driver, security detail for life, and the city you’ll live in will
actually be its own country with YOU in charge.
It’s like winning the lottery!
New law
– Lollipop Friday!
The job
sounds fun, but seems to be held mostly by really old men. Maybe it’s a second career or one of those “retirement
jobs.” I think the guy that just quit is
gonna become a Wal-mart greeter now.
Very friendly from what I hear.
Last
week, when discussing retirement with my wife, she said, “After you retire, don’t
you want to work the land?”
….
“Work
the land?”
“You
know, maybe get a cow, a goat, a sheep…”
This is
where I apparently get my “judgey” face that starts arguments. “What would I do with a cow, a goat, and a
sheep?”
“I don’t
know. Make artisanal cheeses? Hasn’t the idea of working the land always
appealed to you?”
“Who do
think you married? No, I can honestly
say I’ve never dreamed of working the land.”
“Well I
want to work the land.” Now she gets
that frowny face that ends arguments.
Friends,
I don’t think my retirement will go well.
My soon-to-be-revealed spectacular mid-life crisis is brewing in the
distance like the hordes of orcs from Lord of the Rings, preparing to invade. I have no imminent plans to retire, but I’ve
been fingering the one ring and wondering if I should just put it on and
disappear or make the trek to Mordor like a good Hobbit.
Still,
I have plenty of work left to do. There’s
the little matter of my meandering manifesto—still have to write that. I have to complete my screenplay masterpiece,
the long anticipated, “Supermodel Astronaut”—though I’m afraid some fifteen
year-old studio executive will want to add smooching vampires or zombies and
ruin the whole thing. Shot across the
bow: it ain’t gonna happen, kid.
Of
course, I will simply take my revenge when I inevitably win the Oscar for my
original screenplay, “Ninja Leprechauns” or wave around my Pulitzer (in my mind
it’s a flag that reads, “Pulitzer") for my hard-hitting novel, “Munchkins Cry,
Too,” following the painful abuse and struggles of Hollywood’s mistreated
little people. Spoiler: Glinda was NOT a
good witch.
Simply
put, I still have too much to do to consider retirement or those go nowhere
Vatican job openings. Though, I’m
reminded of the old saying, “Life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer you get to the end, the faster it
seems to go.” I think that was either Nietzsche
or Shakespeare. Not sure how much of my
roll remains, but I’m determined to use it wisely…. And slowly.
Then
again, maybe I’ll work the land.
© 2013,
Herb Williams-Dalgart
4 comments:
My favorite part of this post is reading the quotes in my head but hearing the voices of you and Mag VERY clearly. "Don't you want to work the land?" says Mag, sincerely. And then your voice almost cracks when you respond, "Who do you think you married?"
Great one, Herb. Though you forgot to mention that the job comes with two major downsides: 1) the funny little hat, and 2) celibacy....though even if "2" wasn't there, who's going to do you wearing that hat?
Herb, one of your best! Really miss hearing your pages on a regular basis
Thank you for sharing. One may ask when they should start planning? And the answer is simple, the sooner the better! No age is too young to start. Peace of mind for your financial future can help make the road to retirement a lot smoother.
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