Aside from
Hurricane Sandy, perhaps the second most shocking event of the month is the announcement
that Disney has purchased Lucasfilm for $4 billion—a deal which includes
Industrial Light & Magic, Skywalker Sound, and video game manufacturer,
LucasArts. Congratulations, Lucas
grandchildren! You are now modern-day
pharaohs and may choose the slaves with whom you will be buried under the Lucas
pyramids Grandpa George has undoubtedly built on the ranch. Of course, I have no way of knowing. My invitation to Skywalker Ranch has somehow
been delayed in the mail.
Fans of the
blog have known that my love/hate relationship with both Lucas and Disney have
been fodder for my maniacal musings (love the alliteration, people!). I’ve mocked their mutual love of secrecy and their
common addiction to control. I’ve been
impressed by Lucas’ obsession with perfection, and Disney’s uncanny ability to
predict the future as though Walt’s disembodied frozen head is offering
oracle-like predictions from beneath Sleeping Beauty’s castle. Don’t pretend it hasn’t occurred to you,
too...
Lucas putting
young Anakin Skywalker into Return of the Jedi as a ghost is a lot like Disney
working Captain Jack Sparrow into the Pirates of the Caribbean ride. Make something new happen as though it was
always there... evil revisionists!
Now, we’re
left to wonder what happens when the Dark Empire meets the Happiest Place on Earth. Do we feel fear or joy? Or is it just a moment of, “meh.”
Yoda says, “Fear
is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate
leads to suffering.”
While I’m the
last guy to argue with Yoda, I think he may have it backwards—that suffering
might actually lead to hate. Case in
point: after suffering through
The Phantom Menace, I’d say that was when my Lucas hate kicked in. Nevertheless, there may be more to enjoy than
fear when considering this mega-merger of cosmic forces.
Part of me
marvels at the hilarity that Carrie Fisher is now a Disney Princess! Think about it, people! Carrie Fisher may be the first Disney princess
to publically acknowledge drug and alcohol abuse (though I think a few princesses
have tried apples, potions, and spinning wheels against our better judgment). Fans of Carrie Fisher’s one-woman show might
appreciate her strategic use of profanity, unbecoming a mistress of the realm. I, for one, like a little sass in my princesses,
though I’m not sure little girls should be encouraged to don a Halloween “Slave
Leia” costume as they would Ariel or Jasmine costumes.
Nevertheless,
as the last princess of Alderaan, Leia really beats out Pocahontas for the most
tragic princess, doesn’t she? Leia’s dad
wanted to rule with his son, not his daughter.
Major sexist diss! Leia should
have some serious issues after Episode VI, and who would blame her? Hey, maybe that could be the plot for Episode
VII – Lady Vader’s Revenge. Whoop! There it is!
How do I start
my Lady Vader’s Revenge Website now?! Hands
off. I call the idea as my own. I’m working on the screenplay already, people,
and I’m setting aside my other masterpiece – Supermodel Astronaut. Now that I think about it, there may be a
place for Supermodel Astronaut in the new “Disney Wars” Universe. Hmmmm....
Maybe I could clone her... The dark
side is so seductive!
Who knows? The Disney connection may have been pondered
all along by the evil genius of Lucas himself.
Jar-Jar Binks is slightly reminiscent of Goofy. Even Luke Skywalker had hints of Eeyore when
he complained about living on the planet farthest from any bright center of the
universe, or whining about going to the Toshi station to pick up power
converters. Just watch Episode IV. Luke Skywalker whines like Minnie Mouse. Man up, son of Vader! No one likes a Jedi whiner. A vengeful Leia? Think about it. It has legs, people!
I can see new
possibilities for mash-up movies, too: Snow
White and the Seven Droids; Winnie the Hut; The Arisitosith; The Emperor’s New
Groove (no title change, but a totally new meaning)!
Even Pixar
can get some mash-up action – Droid Story or Wall-E Strikes Back… The juices are flowing, folks!
While the
initial thought of these two cultural juggernauts blending to create a
megalithic Empire may give some folks pause, the 11 year-old boy in me who saw
Star Wars: A New Hope at the Topanga Mall thinks this makes some sort of cosmic
sense.
Selling Lucasfilm
to Disney may have been the most humane thing Lucas has done with his franchise
since the first trilogy (the real one, people, from 1977). While Disney-fying sci-fi films may create
concern for some, I’ve been admittedly happy with what Disney has done for the
Marvel franchise movies. If they can
bring the same serious decorum, fun, and special effects restraint and
subordinate the glitz of CGI to real STORY in the Star Wars franchise
as they’ve done for Marvel, we may have some awesomeness ahead. They can do this!
Do or do
not. There is no try.
With Harrison
Ford, Carrie Fisher, and Mark Hamill too old to pick up the story where Return
of the Jedi left off (or maybe too old to pick up anything), we’re left to wonder if other actors will play those
roles or if new characters will now populate the Star Wars world of the future. I’m excited at the thought of a new Star Wars
ride at the theme parks, too—just, please, no virtual shake-and-baking like the
current Star Tours ride. Star Tours at
Disneyland usually leaves me with nausea and a headache (and that’s just from
the line and the price of admission!)
Insert drumroll and cymbal crash hereà X.
Disney and
Pixar driving the deep, layered world of the Empire may be something brilliant
to behold. Or, it could just mean more Jawas
falling off giant lizards, Greedo shooting first, or the wrong Anakin ghost
waving goodbye at the end of it all.
Either way,
they’ve got my attention and probably a zillion other people’s—and that just
may be worth the $4 billion they paid.
© 2012, Herb
Williams-Dalgart